Pines' Quest
by mon-ra
Summary: After the events of Pacifica's Revenge. Dipper prepares to make good on his word to become a perfect boyfriend for her. But will his sister Mabel or the new girl Rachel thwart his goal?
1. Dipper's Quest

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GRAVITY FALLS**

_Recap from Pacifica's Revenge: Dipper and Mabel Pines spent their summer vacation with there Grunkle Stan in a place called Gravity Falls. While there Dipper got into a relationship with local rich girl and queen bee Pacifica Northwest, much to his sister's dismay. Before leaving Pacifica instructed Dipper to date other girls in order to make himself more up to her standards in terms of boyfriends._

* * *

Dipper's Quest

"Ah the first day of school," Dipper declared sounding excited. "A new school year with a fresh new start, and a chance to meet girls!"

"So you're really going through with this?" Mabel asked disapprovingly.

"Yeah Mabel, besides I'm only going out on a couple of dates not asking them for marriage," Dipper said casually.

"To some girls that's the same thing," Mabel said sadly.

"Look Mabel, I promise I won't string them along. I'll make sure that they understand that I'm not looking for a serious relationship," Dipper promised.

"I still think this is a bad idea," Mabel sulked.

"Don't worry Mabel I have a plan," Dipper declared.

"Oh no not another list thing!" Mabel groaned.

"No, no," Dipper laughed. "I've learned my lesson. Lists don't work. I'm just going to go up and talk to them." Dipper went off to 'hit' on the first girl he came across only to be 'hit' across the face!

"Maybe you should make a list, brother." Mabel advised shaking her head after seeing him fail so miserably.

One Week Later

_Dipper's log:_

_At Mabel's suggestion I began compiling a list of things that attract girls. From careful observations I've noted looks, athletic ability, reputation, wealth, talent, sense of humor/sympathy, and intelligence seems to be the prime qualities that girls desire. You'd think intelligence would be much higher on the list, but then again these are girls we are talking about. I am quite certain with my good looks and witty humor it is possible for me to date at least one of the 'A' listers._

Dipper slowly made his way to what he figured to be the popular kids in school. "Hey ladies," was as far as Dipper got before their boyfriends showed up to make an 'example' of him. "Mental note, make sure the girls boyfriends are not around before hitting on them!" Dipper told himself before plopping in the garbage can.

One Month Later

_Dipper's log:_

_After more careful observations, I noticed that several girls tend to worship movie stars and musicians. Perhaps if I try to emulate them I might be more successful._

Dipper, much to his discomfort, went off to watch the latest chick flick and listen to the most popular current boy bands. Most of the stuff he watched almost made him puke! After making a list of the 'pretty boys' catch phrases and main chorus lines from the songs; Dipper proceeded to test his new image on some girls he saw were drooling over the latest teen magazine. "Hello ladies," Dipper greeted wearing almost the same style of clothing as the boys in the magazine. "Um, when I woke up this morning I heard bells, and that means a special girl got her wings!" The girls stared at him for a second before bursting into laughter. Seeing that his ploy failed, Dipper graciously walked away but not discourage. As he attempted more corny lines on other girls.

Few More Months Later

_Dipper's Log:_

_So far my attempts to date have ended in failure. And it seems that I have developed somewhat of a bad rep in the school. So now the popular kids are now avoiding me. Whatev, I've long stopped caring what other people thought of me. That being said; for now it is probably best if I started lower on the social totem pole and focus on regular girls rather than the popular ones._

Dipper made his way to the school library where he spotted a group of girls in what looked like a study group. "Hello ladies," Dipper greeted. "You need any help with that?" The girls quickly went into a huddle. While they tried to whisper as quietly as possible; Dipper could still hear that they were concern about his motives, but at the same time they know that he is pretty smart.

"If it's not too much trouble, maybe you can help us study for the math test?" one of the girls asked. Dipper smiled as he proceeded to tutor them. The lessons took a little long than he expected but after using some clever references from some of the monster romance movies he forced himself to see, they finally manage to get it. "Wow, I never realized that it was so easy," one of the girls said.

"Yes, is there anyway we can thank you?" another asked.

"As a matter of fact," Dipper said in his suave voice. "Are you girls busy this weekend?"

"What are you that desperate for a girlfriend that you finally turned to us?" one of the girls mocked.

"Oh no I already have a girlfriend. I'm just want to practice dating other girls so I know how to treat her better." Dipper admitted. ***SLAP*** the girls all smacked him after hearing that. "I'll be here tomorrow if you need more tutoring!" Dipper said as the girls left in a huff. Surprisingly most did come back after passing their test and seeing he is a good tutor, but still no one wanted to date him.

A Few Weeks Later

Dipper sat alone in the lunch room. Thanks to his new reputation most students don't want to be seen near him. Except for Mabel but she's busy in detention for disrupting class. Apparently because some boy was hitting on her. Although Dipper was pretty sure it was the other way around. Needless to say he was having a very lonely lunch when...

"Excuse me, but is this seat taken?" this strange but familiar boy asked.

"Help yourself, but don't blame me if my unpopularity rubs off on you," Dipper warned.

"Yes, I've heard. I'm Eric Smith." the boy introduced himself.

"Dipper Pines," Dipper said in turn shaking his hand. Now Dipper remembers seeing him in some of his classes. "So what brings you here?" he asked suspiciously.

"Curiosity mainly," Eric answered. "I'm sure you heard about your sister?"

"What has she done now?" Dipper asked fearfully.

"Well she caused a bit of a rucks in history class," Eric explained. "We were studying about monopolies and corporate corruption and she went off on how everyone with money is evil and a blight on society. Like her Gunkle and this evil witch that bought her brother's heart. What's all that about."

"I see," Dipper chuckled as he proceeded to tell Eric about their little adventure in Gravity Falls. Minus all the weirdness of course.

"Wow, that's quite a tale," Eric said completely impressed. "This Pacifica must be a real special girl then."

"Nope, she's actually a spoiled brat, who uses her money and influence to treat everyone else like dirt." Dipper laughed.

"So that's why she has a problem with rich people," Eric whispered to himself. "Wait if she's so horrible, why are you with her?" he asked.

"That's the problem with love," Dipper said softly. "Sometimes you never have a choice when cupid's arrow hits."

"Yes," Eric agreed since he's going through the same deal. "Well I like to say this has been fun, but it hasn't." Eric said getting up. "Oh and one piece of advise. Instead of just randomly hitting on girls, try being their friend first. That way there's no misunderstandings in your intentions."

"Nice guy," Dipper commented after Eric left. Hoping that he might have actually made a friend near his age. "Still I wonder what's all that about?"

Start of the Next Semester

Dipper laid off the hitting on girls plan and decided to go with Eric's suggestion and befriending them first. Helping tutoring the girls and joining things like the book club. While participating in these activities helped to repair his rep, it did little to help him get closer to girls. They all still refuse to date him. Then one day he heard a lonely voice under a tree.

"I wonder if there really are such things as mermaids?" a strange girl with a monster book said.

"Oh there real," Dipper answered. "They live in the water and have like 14 hearts."

"You know it's not polite to just jump into a private conversation like that!" the girl scolded him.

"Your right and I'm sorry," Dipper apologized looking around. "But don't you need another person to have a conversation? Private or otherwise?"

"Not if you're having a conversation with yourself," the girl answered.

"Ah I see," Dipper chuckled. 'Man this girl is almost as nutty a Mabel,' Dipper thought to himself. "Mind if I join in?"

"Knock yourself out," the girl invited.

"Thanks, my name's Dipper by the way. Dipper Pines."

"Oh you're that loser player that's been hitting on every girl! I was wondering when you would get to me." the girl teased. "The name's Rachel."

"Nice to meet you Rachel, so what are you reading?" Dipper asked. Rachel showed him a book on mythological monsters. "Cool, you know I've had some experience with monsters."

"Oh really like what?" Rachel asked skeptically. Dipper began telling her about some of the creatures he encountered at Gravity Falls. Not too surprising Rachel didn't believe a word of it. "You expect me to believe that garbage! I mean seriously, Minotaurs are a bunch of testosterone crazed bone heads who love to beat each other senseless, the Trickster is living loser candy that just wants to be eaten! You're going to have to do better than that if you want me to believe your ridiculous tall tales!"

"You're free to believe what you want. I'm just telling you what I saw and experience." Dipper said confidently.

Rachel stared at him curiously. She has met a lot of people claiming to have seen big foot and what not. Every time she could tell that they were lying, but there's something about Dipper that makes her believe that he's telling the truth. "So you encountered all these creatures in...what was that place again?"

"Gravity Falls, Oregon!" Dipper said proudly. "Just east of eerie, south of strange, west of weird, and north of normal."

"Wow, did you spend all summer coming up with that one," Rachel giggled.

"Actually It's my Gunkle's slogan," Dipper handing her a pamphlet for the Mystery Shack. That he kept in his vest pocket but never removed for some reason.

Rachel looked at the pamphlet and quickly realized that it was just one of those cheap roadside attractions scams. "I knew it! I knew you were just pulling my leg!"

"Maybe," Dipper teased. "But you know what they say. Sometimes the best place to hide a needle is not in a haystack, but with other needles."

"So the best place to hide a monster is a place that displays monsters." Rachel smiled as she looked over the pamphlet. "Mystery Shack huh. Maybe I will pay it a visit. Can you tell me more?" Dipper smiled more than happy to oblige!

* * *

**A/N:** Hope you enjoyed this little side story of my other Gravity Falls fic 'Pacifica's Revenge'.

I would like to thank Alisi Thorndyke for allowing me to use her OC, Eric Smith from her stories 'Child of Destiny' and 'Prophecy's Light'. Please check them out if you hadn't. Yes, I did ask permission to use this character. While I am using this character for my story, I wish to make clear that this story in no way is connected to or related to CoD or PL in any way!


	2. Mabel's Quest

**I DON'T OWN GRAVITY FALLS**

Mabel's Quest

Mabel sighed sadly as she laid down on her bed along with her pet pig Waddles. "I don't know Waddles? Dipper seems determine to go through with Pacifica's ridiculous demands!" Waddles oinked playfully as he cuddled up to Mabel. "Oh Waddles, your cheeks are so squishy!" Mabel giggled as proceeded to pinch Waddles' cheek. "Speaking of Dipper. Where is he?"

"I'm home," Dipper said as he came into the house.

"Dipper! Where have you been, young man?" Mabel demanded.

"Buying more apples for Waddles, just like you asked," Dipper said. Holding up the bag of apples and feeling very confused by his sister's questioning. Then again this is Mabel we're talking about.

"Oh right, I did ask you to do that." Mabel not really remembering if she did send him on that errand, but she wasn't going to refuse more apples for Waddles. "So how's Operation: Becoming Pacifica's Stooge coming along?"

Dipper grumbled angrily at Mabel's naming scheme, but just shook it off. "Not as well as I would like," Dipper sighed sadly. "I don't get it what is it I'm doing wrong?"

"Face it Dipper, you're no Dustin Trieber," Mabel teased.

"THAT'S IT!" Dipper jumped. "Girls like those pretty boy movie actors and musicians right?" Dipper turned to his sister. "So maybe if a act just like them, then I could win them over! Or at least get them to notice me."

"Uh, Dipper that is a bad idea on so many levels," Mabel tried to tell him to no avail.

"So Mabel you have some of those sappy chick flicks movies, and the latest hot boy bands CDs. So how about showing me some so I can get some research material!" Dipper feeling confident about this that he didn't hear Mabel's warning. Mabel's expression perked up. Sure she knows this will end in disaster, but then again, she not going to miss out on a chance to have a romantic movie night with her favorite brother!

"_Oh Mark, just because I don't have fur or fangs, it doesn't mean I can't howl at the full moon with you"_

"It's so beautiful," Mabel cried at big romance scene. Dipper on the other hand was too busy vomiting to watch the leading female actress getting sappy with the hot werewolf protagonist.

"How can anyone watch this stuff?" Dipper choked before hurling some more.

"Oh Dipper, how can you not feel the love and the passion between these two?" Mabel emphasize.

"All I see is an overly buff air head, who for some reason has to take his shirt off every 20 min!" Dipper griped.

"That's the best part," Mabel swooned.

"And seriously! _'You must be tired because you've been running in my mind all day.'_ Who talks like that? And who would fall for such a horrible pick up line?" Dipper argued feeling more of his lunch coming up.

"He does have a way with words," Mabel swooned again.

"Huh, maybe there is something to all this sappy lines," Dipper noted seeing how his sister just seem to melt every time the leading male says something corny. Unfortunately the very idea of actually having to pay attention to said corny lines is causing him to hurl again and again.

The next day at school

Mabel watched with embarrassment as Dipper tried using the lines in the movie they just watched. Only to be ridiculed by everyone. "Hey Mabel, what's you're evil twin up to?" one of their classmates asked.

"Oh he's using some pick up lines he got from the movie 'Howling at the Moon' to try and score with as many girls as possible." Mabel told them bluntly.

"That is awful," the girls gagged. "W e need warn every girl about him!" Yes folks, Dipper's bad reputation was started by none other than Mabel herself! Unintentionally of course, and she will never realize that she was the one who started all those horrible rumors about Dipper.

Mabel ran to her brother's side after seeing him humiliated by every one else. "I told you that was a bad idea," Mabel wanted to console him, but wanted to mock him first. "Maybe instead of pretending, you should just be yourself."

"You're right Mabel! Those lines were just too old and too corny. I need good material. Something more recent. Mabel you must know the most popular chick flick playing right now in the theater?" Dipper asked ignoring Mabel's advice. Mabel wanted to knock some sense into him, but then again well will Dipper ever take her to watch a movie that she actually wanted to see.

A Few Days Later

"What am I doing wrong?" Dipper asked himself. "I've tried every thing I saw from all those movies!" Dipper felt like gagging recalling all the horrors he had seen. And by horrors, I mean sappy romance.

"You know Dipper instead of pretending to be something you're not, maybe you should just be yourself?" Mabel tried to tell him again for the upteen time! "There are already all these nasty rumors about you!"

"Well nothing has worked to far," Dipper sighed sadly. He has heard the rumors, but he won't let something like a negative rep interfere with his goal! "Might as well give that be yourself a try." Mabel watched as Dipper approached some girls studying for a math test and offering to help them. Naturally the girls were skeptical, but eventually they accepted his help. Mabel wanted to see how this will turn out, but the buzzing from her watch told her that she had a more important thing to do!

Mabel quicky ran to the playground. The more important thing on Mabel's agenda was to watch and/or drool over the cute guys practicing for their next game. Mabel wasn't exactly sure what sport they were playing, but it didn't matter. She was just here to enjoy the view. One in particular, a certain Eric Smith! Mabel knew the first time the guy said 'hi' to her that there was a special connection between them. Of course Dipper told her that she was just being delusional again, but what does he know! After all, he's dating Pacifica just because he has the Big Dipper stamped on his forehead! "HEADS UP!" Mabel heard Eric cry out. Suddenly the ball came crashing down, almost hitting her! "You dumb jerk!" Mabel was about to yell out, until she noticed that Eric was running towards her.

"Are you alright, I didn't hit you did I?" Eric asked.

"I'm fine thank you," Mabel laughed nervously and happy to finally talk to him. "If you hadn't warned me I could have been seriously hurt."

"I'm just glad you are alright, Sweaters." Eric said.

"Sweaters?" Mabel tilted her head curiously.

"Yeah I notice you keep wearing different handmade sweaters every day, so it just seem to fit you." Eric winked with a smile. "Oops, got to go. The coach is calling me."

Mabel just stood there speechless after Eric left. "He, he likes my sweaters, and he just gave me a pet name!" Mabel squealed with joy after the initial shock wore off. After practice was over, Mabel hurried to see how Dipper was doing. She made it in time to see the girls slapping her brother in the face. "What happed?" Mabel asked her brother after all the girls left.

"Well, I was tutoring them for the big math test, and things were going so well that I asked them for a date. But I didn't want them to get the wrong idea about me. So I told them about Pacifica!" Dipper said proudly. Mabel blinked in astonishment at him for a few seconds before slapping him herself!

* * *

Mabel sat in history class. One of the few classes she didn't have with Dipper. Recently the were starting to learn about the industrial revolution, and some of the underhanded tactics that business owners use to control their employees. Hearing about how the rich people treated people like slaves reminded her of Pacifica, and to a lesser extent, Grunkle Stan! Hearing the teacher go on and on about greed and corruption was enough to get Mabel to snap! "Yeah that's right! Money is the root of all evil! People with money, like Grunkle Stan and Pacifica, think that they are better than everybody else! Stepping on everyone, treating them like they are dirt!"

"Mabel Pines, sit down and be quiet!" the teacher ordered. Mabel gulped nervously as she complied. "Good. One more outburst like that and you're going to spend detention during lunch!" the teacher warned.

Mabel sighed sadly as she tried to pay attention to the teacher's lectures, but every time she hears money, corruption, or bad business ethics; she could see Pacifica's face laughing and mocking her. Mabel was about to lose it again, when she felt something patting her on the back. Mabel turned around and saw Eric sitting behind her! _'Oh my gosh! Was he sitting there this whole time?'_ Mabel mentally panicked.

"You know Sweaters, not all rich people are bad." Eric whispered to her.

"OH WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT RICH PEOPLE ANY WAY!" Mabel exploded jumping on top of her desk.

"THAT'S IT!" The teacher yelled handing her a disciplinary slip. "See you in detention!"

* * *

"I'm home," Mabel said sadly as entered her house.

"Hey Mabel, missed you at lunch." Dipper greeted her.

"I'm sorry, I had detention and you know." Mabel apologized.

"Yeah I heard from Eric." Dipper said.

"Eric! You've talked to Eric? What did he say? What did you talk about? Did he ask about me?" Mabel went on.

"Easy, Mabel! Down girl!" Dipper trying to calm his sister down. "Eric just wanted to know why you are so hung up on Pacifica. That's all!"

"Pacifica!" Mabel sneered. "First you steal my brother and now you're trying to take Eric from me as well!"

"Uh Mabel, Pacifica doesn't even know Eric exist," Dipper said trying to make her see reason. "In fact Eric doesn't even know Pacifica either!"

"That's just what Pacifica wants us to think," Mabel said lost in her own mind set. Dipper just rolled his eyes. There's no talking to her when she gets like this.

It was the start on the next semester, and Mabel has been seeing less and less of Dipper. Dipper's latest scheme, apparently Eric's idea so it must be good, is to try befriending the girls before asking them out! To that end, Dipper has been joining various clubs and help with the tutoring! Mabel herself has been trying to help repair Dipper's reputation by giving a good word for him with her female classmates. While wandering around the school, Mabel caught sight of Dipper with a girl she's never seen before! She looked rather plain, short black hair that obviously could use some conditioning, and wore a simple jeans jacket with matching jeans short. "That outfit could use some bazzling," Mabel criticized. "Wonder who she is?"

"That would be Rachel," Eric's voice suddenly came from behind her.

"ERIC! Don't startle me like that!" Mabel huffed grasping her chest as if she just had a heart attack.

"Sorry Sweaters," Eric laughed. "Yeah, Rachel is in my English Lit. class. A bit of a wall flower, so I don't know much about her. I do know that she's really into mythological monsters though."

"Into monsters huh," the wheels in Mabel's head started turning. A monster nut would definitely be a much better match for her brother than Pacifica. Oh who is she kidding, even a rabid hyena would be an improvement over Pacifica! Now all she needed was to make sure everything goes well between them.

"So Mabel," Eric suddenly said. The fact that Eric called her by her name for the first time was enough to send the girl above the clouds. "I've been having trouble with my arts and craft project, and since you're a bit of an expert with glitter glue, I was wondering if you could help me?"

Mabel was tempted, boy is she tempted, but Dipper needed her. Suddenly a Mabel shoulder Devil puffed on her right shoulder.

"Come on Mabel, you've been waiting for a chance like this," Devil Mabel pointed out.

"Yeah but what about Dipper?" Mabel whispered. "I really need to make sure he's alright."

"ARE YOU NUTS!" Mabel's shoulder angel chimed in. "HE'S HOT!" Angel Mabel drooling over Eric.

"Um, aren't you suppose to advise Mabel here to help her brother?" Devil Mabel told her angelic counterpart.

"Listen here you! We spent all summer long looking for an epic romance only to have every boy I liked slip through my fingers! So I'm not about to miss out on my chances with this one!" Angel Mabel said, shaking Devil Mabel, and foaming at the mouth.

"Hey let go of me!" Devil Mabel demanded pushing Angel Mabel back. "Sheesh, now we know where Mabel gets her crazy from." Devil Mabel rolling her eyes as Angel Mabel started howling like a wolf at Eric and thumping her foot. "Since my partner here is otherwise distracted, I guess I'll try being the voice of reason for once. Do you really think that anything will happen between Dipper and Rachel if you left them all on their own? To be honest I doubt Dipper even bother to learn her name!" Devil Mabel argued.

"Well maybe," Mabel looked over to her brother and it looks like things were actually going well between them.

"But Eric is sooooooo hoooooooot!" Angel Mabel giving her two cents.

"Can't argue with that," Mabel deciding to go with her Angel self. "Besides you're the devil. I'm not suppose to be siding with you."

"Oh yeah, that's flawless logic right there," Devil Mabel said sarcastically watching Angel Mabel doing every cartoonish love struck antics imaginable. Including heart beating out of the chest, tongue rolling out of the mouth, and the ever so popular melting into a heart shaped puddle. "I don't get paid enough for this," Devil Mabel groaned before disappearing in a puff of smoke. The Angel Mabel disappeared soon afterwards.

"Sorry Dipper but you're on your own on this one," Mabel whispered at her brother's direction before turning to Eric, who was looking at her strangely. "Alright Eric, I'll help you out." Mabel finally said.

"Uh, ok, great," Eric said with confusion. For the past two minutes he's been watching her arguing to herself. If this was a cartoon, he'd swear she was having one of those shoulder angel/devil moments. It's weird, but then again, that's makes her so interesting.


	3. 3 and 4's Quest

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GRAVITY FALLS**

#3 and #4's Quest

"Look there she is," #3 said pointing to Wendy as she exited the Mystery 'S'hack.

"She looks just as beautiful as the day we were first printed," #4 swooned.

"Yes, and now that Dipper classic is into Pacifica, there's nothing standing in my way of making Wendy mine!" #3 declared.

"Excuse me, YOURS! I'm sorry but Wendy is going to be mine!" #4 challenged. The two clones began wrestling in the dirt that they failed to notice Wendy leaving with her friends. "Aw man, we blew it!" the two sulked as they saw the van driving away. As the two were feeling sorry for themselves a ghostly image appeared before them. "Ah what the heck is that!" #4 yelled.

"More Gravity Falls weirdness!" #3 responded. The image soon shaped its self into the familiar form of "PAPER JAM DIPPER!" the two instantly recognizing their fallen brother.

"AUUGHWXQHGADSADUH." Paper Jam started to say.

"Uh, can you run that by us again?" #3 asked.

"AUUGHWXQHGADSADUH!" Paper Jam repeated with slight irritation.

"THAT'S IT, TIME OUT!" #4 yelled making a 'T' sign. "I like to speak to the author!"

"What is it? We're on a schedule here." Mon-Ra asked impatiently.

"I know but could we please get someone who can actually speak here?" #4 demanded. "Or at the very least, put sub-text?"

"Fine," Mon-Ra snapping his fingers and Paper Jam began to dissolve.

"NANANANANA-NAAAAA-NAAAAA. AAXUXAASSUAA-AAAA. AAAA-KKKKKKKXXX-KKKKXXX-A. (It's better this way for Paper Jam Dipper.)" Paper Jam said as he faded away. Paper Jam was soon replaced by another ghostly Dipper only with the number 7 on his hat. "Hey guys, good to see you again." #7 greeted.

"Hey there um #7," the two feeling a little awkward since they haven't really met when they were alive.

"Anyway, what Paper Jam was trying to tell you was the reason we all failed to get Wendy, was because of infighting that led to our destruction." #7 lectured. "The only way you two will succeed is to work together. Otherwise you'll end up like the rest of us." The images of the other clones appeared behind #7.

"Sheesh how many clones of himself does Dipper need?" #4 said sarcastically.

"He doesn't really have that many friends," #3 reminded him.

"Hold up what are you doing #7?" Tyrone demanded pushing his way through the crowd of Dippers.

"Trying to help our last brothers," #7 explained. "Just like how you were trying to help Dipper Classic! Don't know why since he killed all of us!"

"That was different," Tyrone defended. "Besides, you know that this will only end with disaster."

"But there's still a chance that our brothers could succeed where we all failed," #7 said. "Besides what do you care? Dipper classic is head over heels for Pacifica now anyway. So that means Wendy is fair game."

"Alright, do as you want. Personally I think this is a mistake," Tyrone sighed sadly, vanishing after that.

"Remember guys, it doesn't matter who gets the first kiss, so long as you both get a kiss." #7 said before fading out as well.

"They have a point," #3 said after all the ghost vanished.

"That they do," #4 agreed. "So now what?"

"We have to be smart about this," #3 pondered. "Dipper is no longer here so we can't use him as a cover. I know, we'll send Wendy a bunch of flowers, chocolates, and love letters from a secret admirer. All the while leaving a trail of bread crumbs for her to follow straight to us!" #3 said excitedly.

"Good plan, good plan," #4 nodded. "There's only one problem. How are we going to get the money for all that? It's not like we can just get a job! We're just lucky that copier clones like us don't have to eat otherwise we would have starved to death a long time ago!"

"Valid point brother," #3 conceded. "Ah ha! I got it! Come on!" #3 led #4 towards the Mystery 'S'hack.

* * *

Later that night in the Mystery 'S'hack.

"Are you ready?" #3 asked dressed in white bed sheets.

"Ready" #4 answered holding up some chains. #3 entered Stan's bedroom making ghostly noises, while #4 rattled the chains outside the room.

"Huh wha...?" Stan waking up from all the commotion. "What's going on here?"

"Grunkle Stan, it is I the ghost of your great nephew, Dipper!" #3 said.

"Dipper! Impossible you can't be dead! You were just fine when you left here!" Stan argued.

"No I am not dead yet, but I caught an infection from all the mosquito and snake bites I got here! All because you didn't want to take me to the hospital when I asked you to!" #3 howled.

"Oh Dipper, my favorite nephew." Stan cried. "Tell me what can I do to make amends!"

"You must fork over 100,000 dollars to pay my medical bills," #3 said.

"Okay uh, just give me a minute to think about it," Stan said.

"Seriously? Dipper...uh I mean me, I mean I'm dying because of you and you're still too much of a miser to help out!" #3 scolded.

"Look Dipper, I want to help out but you see, I just don't think..." Stan rambled on until #4 came barging in! "What the, two of you? What's going on here?"

"I concur, what are you doing #4?" #3 demanded.

"This isn't working. Let's just rob him." #4 suggested.

"Say what now?" Stan said on confusion as #4 threw a ball at Stan's head knocking him out.

"Ah great!" #3 griped. "We still needed him to show us where he's keeping the money!"

"It's behind the painting in the living room," #4 answered showing the safe behind the painting.

"How do you know that?" #3 asked.

"While I was looking for some chains I noticed that there were hinges on the painting. I would have told you sooner but I wanted to do this ghost gag." #4 explained. The two clones quickly opened the safe. Apparently to make sure he didn't forget the combination, Stan had it written on the painting itself. The two wasted no time getting what they needed and leaving as fast as they could.

"Mr. Pines, are you alright?" Soos asked waking his employer.

"Wha...What? Soos what's going on!" Stan asked.

"That's what I want to know," Soos said. "I just came in this morning and I saw that your secret safe was opened and..." Hearing that his safe was open, Stan ran as fast as he could to the living room. Just as Soos said, the safe was opened. Luckily the thieves only a small amount of the cash in the safe but it was still enough to upset him. "Who could have done this!" Stan yelled. Examining the safe further, he found a note inside. The note read, _'Thanks for the cash, signed the two Dipper ghosts.' _"Dipper, I'd be upset with him if I wasn't so darn impressed! How did he do it?"

"It can't be Dipper. He just called me last night, and sent me these pictures of his new school." Soos said showing the pictures on his phone.

"So we have a Dipper imposter, huh." Stan looking around the room suspiciously. "Yeah, figured the kid didn't have to guts to pull something like this off."

* * *

At the Northwest Manor

Pacifica smiled as she read Dipper's latest letter. "Looks like things are going about as well as I expected," Pacifica laughed as she turned to her picture of Dipper. "Oh Dipper darling what ever gave you the idea copying movie actors would work? Well at least you're still the same sweet, innocent, naive, dork I've come to love." Pacifica's daydream came to a halt by the sounds of her phone ringing. "Yes what is it!" Pacifica snapped. She really hates these interruptions. "What are you sure? I'll be right over there!" Pacifica yelled as she ran out of her room.

Pacifica had her chauffeur drive her to the mall where her two henchgirls Mona and Tara were waiting for her. "Are you sure it was him?" Pacifica demanded. Tara showed her a picture on her cell phone of Dipper buying a bouquet of flowers, and Mona had a picture of Dipper buying a large box of chocolates. _"What is going on here?'_ Pacifica thought to herself. She saw off when Dipper left, so unless he came back there's no way could be him. But if he did come back, why didn't he tell her? Maybe he came back and wants to surprise her with gifts? If Pacifica had any faith in true love or a sense of romance, she would be waiting for Dipper to give her a call. Unfortunately Pacifica has neither, she is suspicious by nature, with an overwhelming drive to always be in the know before anyone else! So naturally she has to find out what is going on here. Her first stop is the florist where Dipper bought the bouquet.

"How my I help you?" the shop owner asked.

"Yes, can you tell me about this boy?" Pacifica demanded holding up Dipper's picture.

"Um well, we have a lot of customers, so I can't really remember too much of any just one," the owner said nervously.

"I see," Pacifica said with contempt. "Well since I no longer have any business with you, would you please cancel my order for my next party and all the parties I was planning!" Pacifica threatened.

The shop owner turned pale. The Northwest parties were a gold mine, over half their yearly revenues come from them! If Pacifica cancels, they would go out of business! "If you have some time, I could look through my records if you wish," the shop owner conceded.

"Yeah I thought you might see it my way," Pacifica grinned with satisfaction. Pacifica stomped down the streets in utter rage! According to the receipts not only did Dipper bought a fortune in flowers and candy, but he also had them delivered to Wendy Corduroy! This was unacceptable! Pacifica needed to get to the bottom of this, and the only place she could get any answers was at the Mystery 'S'hack!

* * *

At the Mystery 'S'hack

"Wendy, you have another package," Soos said holding up a box.

"Another one," Wendy groaned. "What is it this time?"

"Smells like assorted chocolates," Soos reported after sniffing the box.

"So who's it from?" Pacifica asked kicking the door in!

"Hey Pacifica, haven't seen you around here not since Dipper and Mabel left." Soos said.

"Yeah, yeah you missed me," Pacifica snapped walking towards the bouquet of flowers. "Nice decor, you wouldn't mind telling me where you got it?" Pacifica asked.

"Search me," Wendy answered. "I've been getting gifts like this all day and they were all signed, 'from a secret admirer, and I'm not Robbie'." Wendy showing Pacifica the card that came with the flowers.

Recognizing Dipper's handwriting, Pacifica began fuming after she examined the card. Not wanting anyone to see her explode, Pacifica ran out of the Mystery 'S'hack before letting out her anger and frustrations! After screaming her lungs out, Pacifica got out her cell phone and called Mona and Tara on her cell phone. "Hello it's me. I want you to keep an eye out for Dipper Pines!" Pacifica ordered. "I don't care if you have to skip school tomorrow, just find him!" Pacifica yelled hanging up the phone. It's times like these she wishes she had a land line so she could slam the phone on the receiver.

* * *

The Next Day

Pacifica sat at her desk in school studying the clues she's gathered. So far everything pointed to Dipper, but something wasn't right. Other than the fact that he shouldn't be able to afford the expensive stuff, this just wasn't like him. Just then it hit her! Examining the receipts again, she found what she was looking for, The time of purchases were almost exactly the same! There's no way Dipper could have been in different stores at the same time, unless. Pacifica recalled reading something to that effect in Dipper's book. Now all she needed was to find they guilty party...Pacifica's train of thought was disrupted by her cell phone vibrating. Checking her messages she received word from Mona texting that she have spotted Dipper at the build a bear workshop. A minute later, Tara texted the same message only from the shoe store. _'Keep am eye on them I'll be there shortly!'_ Pacifica texted back. "Excuse me, but I need to be excused." Pacifica said getting up.

"Oh, let me get you the hall pass," the teacher said nervously.

"Hall pass? Funny." Pacifica chuckled as she walked out the door.

"Okay then good-bye," the teacher waved nervously as Pacifica left.

The two Dipper's left the post office after wrapping up their latest gift. "Do you think Wendy is going to like the bear I made for her?" #3 asked.

"Not as much as the new sneakers I bought her," #4 laughed. "So #3, do you think Wendy will catch on soon. These gifts are really eating away our cash."

"Don't you mean Grunkle Stan's cash!" #3 nudged. "To be honest, I thought she would come looking for us by now. Maybe this plan is a bust." Just then some persons grabbed them from behind and dragged them both before Pacifica Northwest.

"You know if I didn't know any better I'd say you two were Dipper's distant relatives," Pacifica said in a menacing tone.

"Yup, that's us," #3 said, desperately trying to get out of Tara's grip.

"We're twin cousins!" #4 added struggling to break free from Mona as well.

"I see," Pacifica said opening a bottle of water. #3 and #4 both gasped in terror at the sight of Pacifica drinking the deadly liquid. "You know, I once read a fascinating book about these clones who would get into all kinds of mischief, but they had this one little problem." Pacifica began pouring the water right in front of them. "Oh look I spilled my drink. Guess I just open another one." she taunted pulling out another water bottle.

"Alright we're clones!" #3 admitted.

"And why are you buying Wendy all that stuff?" Pacifica asked.

"Look, Dipper created us to help him get Wendy. So naturally we all want Wendy. Except now Dipper classic is into you." #4 explained.

"And you figured with him out of the way, now you can go after Wendy." Pacifica figured. Both #3 and #4 nodded. "Listen up you two! I don't really care about your personal problem, but the fact of the matter is I can't have you two ruining Dipper's good name and subsequently my reputation!" Pacifica circled them like a vulture. "You know I should just destroy you, but I'm a compassionate girl who abhors violence."

"Compassionate, funny," #4 chuckled.

"Thank you for volunteering," Pacifica said sinisterly as she sprayed #4 all over with this mysterious substance.

"AH! What is that stuff," #4 choked.

"You'll see," Pacifica said as she poured the water on his head!

#4 screamed in terror crying out, "I'm melting, I'm melting!" Only to find out that he wasn't melting. "What the?"

"You like it," Pacifica laughed. "It's my industrial strength hair spray. 100% water proof! Now if you boys agree to work for me, I can guarantee you a lifetime supply of this spray."

#3 and #4 looked at each other nervously. Sure working for Pacifica is like making a deal with the devil, but never having to fear ever water again is just too good to pass up. "What will you have us do?" they both asked at the same time.

"Let them go," Pacifica ordered. Mara and Tara did as they were told. "First off, you two need a make over!" After finding out that the clones were all ink, including their clothes. Pacifica brought them to an art studio where they then began repainting the two clones. #3 was given blond hair and his vest was changed to navy blue. #4 was made into a red head with a green vest. Their numbers were painted over with Pacifica writing a 'T' on #3 hat and a IV on #4's hat.

"I dub thee Trace," Pacifica pointing to the former #3. "And Tubits!" pointing to the former #4.

"Tubits? Oh two bits, as in quarters," Tubits face palmed himself. "Really cute. Can't you just call me Joe?" he sulked.

"Fine, Joe it is," Pacifica said rolling her eyes.

"So now what?" Joe asked.

"You two are going to work for your Great Uncle," Pacifica said.

* * *

At the Mystery 'S'hack

"Uh are you sure we're related?" Stan asked eyeing the two boys curiously. "I don't recall ever hearing about you two."

"How can they not be, resemblance is uncanny," Wendy said staring at the two boys.

"Uh yeah we are distant relatives," Trace said nervously.

"Really distant. In fact we as so distant we didn't even know about you either!" Joe added.

Pacifica rubbed her templates. "Look I these two have this message from their parents saying that they have to work overseas and are asking if you can watch over their boys!" Pacifica waving the fake message she forged.

"So why are they with you?" Stan asked suspiciously.

"I ran into them in town and thought they were Dipper. Honest mistake, after finding out who they were I brought them here." Pacifica said innocently.

"She's got a point there Mr. Pines. Otherwise these guys would have to be clones to look almost exactly like Dipper." Soos said.

"Look almost exactly like Dipper?" Stan's eyes widen with realization. "Wait a minute, you guys were those fake ghosts!"

"Uh oh," the two clones gulped.

"You know I had my suspicions about you two, but I'm convinced. You two are chips off the old block! I'm sure were going to get along just fine." Stan laughed.

"You're not mad about the money we stole?" Joe asked nervously.

"Water under the bridge. You two have guts to steal from me, and I can respect that. Soos, prepare the attic." Stan ordered. Soos saluted before running off.

"Welcome to the Mystery Shack," Wendy said giving the boys a friendly punch to the shoulder before going back to doing whatever it is she does here.

"Thanks Wendy," the boys said before going to Pacifica.

"Okay boys you know the plan. If you want me to keep giving you my special hair spray, you do whatever that old coot wants so my Dipper never has to work in this dump again! Leaving him with plenty of free time for me!" Pacifica sighed blissfully.

"And Wendy?" Trace asked.

"Do what you want with her," Pacifica sneered. "So long as you keep her away from Dipper, I don't care!" The two clones gave her the thumbs up.

* * *

Later at the Northwest Manor

Pacifica felt incredibly satisfied. One of her greatest fears was that Wendy might realize just how wonderful Dipper is and try to steal him from her. As they say, you never forget your first love, so it's possible that Dipper might go back to Wendy. But with two Dipper clones there she may just go for one of them. Yes, Pacifica hasn't felt this alive in weeks.

"Madam, a letter has just arrived for you," Jeeves informed her.

"Oh it's from Dipper," Pacifica cheered opening up the letter. Pacifica's happy mood soon turned sour after reading the letter and seeing the picture of a gaudy girl that Dipper apparently befriended. "Rachel huh. Well Mister Dipper Pines, you better not forget who you belong to!" Pacifica sneered tearing up the girl's picture up into little pieces.


	4. Pines' Quests

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GRAVITY FALLS**

Pines' Quests

"Mabel, are you done yet?" Dipper asked with irritation. Today is the first day of Summer, and just like last year he and his sister were going to stay with their Grunkle Stan in Gravity Falls! For Dipper Pines, this day, this trip couldn't come any sooner!

"In a minute!" Mabel yelled looking out her window. "I know he's coming to see me off!"

"Hold up, didn't you say that he has a game today and wouldn't be able to make it?" Dipper pointed out.

"Pish Shaw brother," Mabel waved him off. "Of course he'd chose me, his girlfriend, over some stupid game."

"Mabel, just because he has lunch with you every other Tuesday doesn't mean he is your boyfriend," Dipper said face-palming himself. "The fact that he still hasn't given you his phone number proves it!" Dipper recalled how Mabel went overboard with billboards and ad campaigns asking, not just Eric, but any boys in general for their phone numbers.

"Shows what you know," Mabel laughed. "The fact that he takes time off of his busy schedule to hang out with me proves that he like likes me."

"That or he has nothing better to do every other Tuesday at lunch," Dipper said sarcastically. Still he has to admit that Eric has been one of Mabel's more stable relationships, even though he never calls or asks to hang out after school.

"What about you dear brother?" Mabel asked nudging him.

"What about what?" Dipper asked.

"You know, aren't you worried that your new girlfriend won't come to say goodbye?" Mabel asked.

"Mabel, Rachel is not my girlfriend!" Dipper said sternly. "In fact we are going to go see my girlfriend, remember! Who, by the way, I can't wait to see again. So will you please hurry up." After a year of separation, Dipper is determine to make the most of what little time he has with Pacifica count. Which of course means that he's going to have to cut down on monster hunting. Although right now his biggest obstacle is getting his sister moving!

"Come on Dipper! It's been a year, you can't still be into Pacifica!" Mabel pleaded. "Besides do you really think she's been as faithful to you as you've been to her?"

That statement caught Dipper off guard. Despite his many attempts to date, he's never been successful at getting a girl to go out with him on one. Even trying to befriend the girls was a total failure. Except for Rachel, who for some reason Dipper never asked out on a date, date. Usually he just asked her to hang out somewhere to talk about monsters or to go to a monster movie. Nothing that Dipper would consider a real date. This is causing him to worry about what Pacifica will do to him because of his failure! While his heart keeps telling that Pacifica will forgive and love him despite all his flaws and mistakes; his brain kept playing cruel scenarios of Pacifica ripping out his heart and stomping it under her foot. "I'm sure things will turn out fine," Dipper said avoiding the subject.

The twins loaded the last of their things on the car, when Rachel appeared. "Hey there Dipper!" She called out.

"Hey Rachel, coming to say goodbye?" Dipper asked.

"No silly, I'm coming with you," she announced. "I've been dying to go to Gravity Falls and see all those crazy monsters you keep telling me about!" Dipper choked at the idea of Rachel and Pacifica meeting, when Rachel started laughing. "Just Kidding! Like my parents would really allow me to go out of State, and stay at a complete stranger's house. Especially when said stranger is a convicted felon!"

"Yeah, good one," Dipper laughed nervously.

"Well see you when you get back," Rachel said sadly shaking his hand.

"I'll be sure to bring back some crazy souvenirs from the monsters there," Dipper promised as he entered the car.

"Looking forward to it, bye." she said sadly waving at him.

Dipper looked back sadly at her as the car drove away. He knew that he was the only friend she had, technically she's also his only friend at school, and he couldn't help worry what would she lonely without him around. He really wanted to take her along but that was impossible. Sitting next to him Mabel could sense that her brother was distressed, and wanted to cheer him up.

"So Dipper, that Rachel girl seems pretty nice," Mabel started saying, trying to sound like one of those sitcom moms.

"Mabel what are you talking about? We hang out with her practically every weekend." Dipper said to her, not getting the reference.

"I just mean that, you know, you have a lot more in common with her than some stuck up snob." Mabel said.

Dipper sighed sadly. He was hoping that Mabel had put her animosity towards Pacifica behind her, but it seems that she still hates her. "Look Mabel, I know that me and Rachel have a lot in common, but trust me there's a lot more to a relationship than just liking the same things. Just like how there's more between me and Pacifica than just a birthmark." Dipper lectured.

"I guess," Mabel sulked. _'Yes Dipper, there's a lot more to Pacifica than you know, and by the end of Summer I'll make sure you know everything about her! All her dirty little secrets that she doesn't want you to know. Enough to make you see who she truly is and leave her forever!'_ Mabel schemed in the back of her mind.

* * *

Up at Gravity Falls in the Mystery 'S'hack

"Oh man you guys are a miracle sent!" Wendy praised, happily watching Trace and Joe going her work.

"No problem," Trace smiled.

"Always a pleasure," Joe added.

"I almost forgot, I just got a text from Mabel this morning. She and Dipper will be arriving to spend the Summer with us! Isn't that exciting? You'll be able to meet your cousins!" Wendy informed them.

"Terrific," the clones said grinding their teeth.

"I still don't get why you didn't want us to tell them that you were staying here as well?" Wendy wondered.

"We just wanted to surprise them that's all," Joe said nervously.

"Yes, it's not like we have some deep dark secret that we've been keeping from all of you that only Dipper knows about, and if exposed it could destroy our friendship, and maybe cause all of you to turn against us!" Trace added avoiding eye contact.

"Smooth," Joe whispered critically to his brother.

"Okay then," Wendy eyeing them weirdly. "Well I'm off to the roof. Let me know if Stan needs anything else done." Wendy perked up and climbed the ladder to her goofing of place.

"The day we've been dreading is finally here," Joe whispered to his twin.

"What do you think Dipper will do when he finds out about us?" Trace gulped nervously. Even with Pacifica's waterproofing spray he still has nightmares of melting into a puddle of ink.

"Don't worry, we've planned for this eventuality remember," Joe winked at him.

"Or right the plan," Trace grinned. "Uh, so what was the plan again?"

Joe glared at his brother rubbing his temples. "Are you sure you weren't cloned from Mabel?"

"Low blow bro," Trace feeling a bit insulted. "Low blow."

* * *

Epilogue/Prologue

Deep in the woods, inside an old abandoned cabin. A cloaked figure sat down writing several notes. After finishing the final letter he took them all over to a roost of carrier pigeons. The pigeons all flew off in different directions after given their messages; flying towards the mountains, the forest, the lake, and even a few buildings around town. The recipients of the notes all received the same message:

_To whom it may concern,_

_Fellow creatures of Gravity Falls. I know that, as per our custom, we do not normally interact with each other. In fact in some cases we down right hate each other, but something of the urgent matter has come to my attention. __**DIPPER PINES IS RETURNING TO GRAVITY FALLS**__. I sure that I don't need to remind you all of the humiliation we suffered because of that boy last year! And now that he's aware of our existence, I'm certain that he will be better prepared and more dangerous this time around! Therefore I'm proposing a temporary truce and alliance. We must band together to stop Dipper Pines, and to a lesser extent his idiot sister, maybe that doofus of a handyman as well. I'll be waiting for a favorable response in the old cabin in the woods. Directions are on the back._

_Signed,_

_G_

The cloaked figure grinned with anticipation. Eager to see how many monsters will answer his call.

Coming Soon

Attack of Gray Bitie's Monster Alliance


End file.
